Week 13

Week 13 – 6 weeks to Race Day

Miles for the Week = 37 (Long Run 18 miles)

Quote of the Week:

“I’m gonna miss that smile
I’m gonna miss you my friend
Even though it hurts the way it ended up
I’d do it all again
So play it sweet in heaven
‘Cause that’s right where you wanna be
I’m not crying 'cause I feel so sorry for you
I’m crying for me” – Toby Keith

This week my emotions got the best of me after my long run. I cried. I can’t pin point exactly what I was crying about. I think it was a combination of being physically exhausted, being proud of myself because I had just run 18 miles (and wanted to stop after about 13!), because I thought about Jeff a lot, because I didn’t know I had the strength in me to complete such long runs, and so many other things.

When you are running for over three hours your mind tends to wander. I think a lot about Jeff when I’m out on the open road. I’d like to share a memory that came to my mind when I was running this Saturday.
Jeff was one of my biggest fans for going to law school. In more ways than one Jeff helped make law school possible for me. I loved coming home from my first year of school in Lansing and meeting Jeff up at J. Alexander’s for a drink and to catch up about life.

Throughout my three years of school Jeff and I kept in contact, via email and visits up at J’s. During my second and third year the visits were less frequent as Jeff spent a lot more time in California those years, but when we did get to see each other the conversations were great. He was an amazing friend. And even though the visits were less the emails still went back and forth,
Jeff got sick in my last year of school. I remember sitting in class and getting an email from him telling me he was sick and had been diagnosed with Leukemia and was at City of Hope Hospital in CA for experimental treatments. I got up and left class crying.

We still emailed each other until Jeff passed. He was always saying how happy and proud he was that I was taking the Michigan Bar Exam. Jeff passed before I received my results.

At his funeral Jeff’s ex-wife, Sharon, the mother of his children, said that she wanted to hear about how the bar exam went when I got my results. That she knew how Jeff had helped me and she just wanted to know.

After I got my great news, I kept my promise. I emailed Sharon. Here is part of what I wrote to her. “I really felt like Jeff was and is watching over me. He was always so supportive of me with school. I just wish he was here so I could share my news with him.”

Here is part of her response back, “I know Jeff would be very happy and proud. I believe that he is around all of us even though he is in heaven so I'm sure he already knows you passed your exam and is celebrating with the angels.”

It was a beautiful email that put things in perspective for me. It’s what happened next though that made me realize that what Sharon said was true, and that Jeff was still here and he was watching over me – over all of us.

Several days after I got that email I was working on my computer and needed to print something. I did not have my email account open. I did not have this email from Sharon open. I plugged my computer into the printer and it automatically started printing something, without me pushing any buttons. Out of the printer came the email from Sharon. I started crying. I knew at that moment that Jeff really did know that I had passed. I felt like this was his way of letting me in on this secret – that he was still here.

I was thinking of that day when I was running on Saturday. I was thinking when it was quiet and raining and there were not a lot of runners out on the path – that even when no one is out there cheering us on, people still know what we are doing.
I think of Jeff as my personal cheerleader when I am running. He is the inspiration that keeps pushing me (even when no one else is around and I think it would be ok to sneak and walk for a little while). Because even though no one is here watching, he is watching. He has already let me know that he is watching and he knows what I’m doing.

Jeff I hope I am making you proud. I hope that when you set out to help me with law school that I have become an attorney and a person that you could be proud of and put your faith behind. I miss you and it gives me great comfort that you are still here and are watching over all of us. I love knowing that I have people on my side up there. I miss you my friend.

Until next week…